Saturday, September 3, 2011

The Importance of knowing you suck


Catchy title, huh?

Its not to say you suck at everything but you certainly suck at something. I know I do. I suck at lots of stuff.

Lets start off with a story: Not too long ago a female friend of mine was enamored with a beautiful man. He was one of the top models in town, oozed sex appeal and seemed to vibe a heightened knowledge of the female psyche. He was charming, witty and arrogantly hard to get. He was the type of guy that when he entered the room all heads turned, male AND female. You know the guy i'm talking about right?

Anyway, when she triangulated some basic information and found out he was not gay, she made her move. Now, my friend is quite an attractive woman herself, but whats more she's self assured, graceful and intelligent. So its not such a stretch that she would be able to land the hottest guy in town.

Well...she did.

Back at her apartment things started getting steamy...thats when she noticed something was not right. He seemed fidgety, nervous, anxious. His heart rate seemed accelerated above average and he was having a hard time, or maybe, well, not hard enough.

Since this is primarily a photography blog, I'll simply cut to the chase: Their session was 'over' about 20 minutes into foreplay and this guy just picked up his stuff, red faced and left. The door shut and my friend just sat there for about 30 minutes contemplating the worst sexual experience she's ever had. This 40 year old handsome man, dripping sexual appeal from his every pore, turns out to be the worst lover she's ever been with.

It brings up an interesting question: How can someone who's convinced us they're so good, actually be so bad?

My theory is that human beings will do almost anything in their power to hide the fact they suck and arrogance, in my humble opinion, is one of the biggest indicators that someone's definitely hiding their Suck.

Bringing this post back to point. The sooner we actually acknowledge that we suck at whatever we suck at, the sooner we can transform the suck into not sucking.

There's a few main things to think about:

1: Realizing we suck at something requires us to face our Ego head on. This is painful. Our Ego is the part of ourselves that decides what it is we want the world we 'think' we are. Its the false sense of self that always seems to be at war with what's really going on inside us. When we let down our guard and realize that we're all just a bundle of twisted up, conflicting sets of patterns and conditionings that have been forming haphazardly since we first learned to speak, we can begin the process of facing our shadow selves with courage, honesty and wisdom.

Accept and Own your 'Suck'.

2: Surround yourself with people who are better than you, or at least suck less. We all have strengths and weaknesses, it doesn't help to look upon life as a competition; thats the old model of being. Sure, resources are limited and we all need to struggle to achieve, but I'm sure it can be done in a way that doesn't tear us up inside.

3: Introspect. If you're making the same mistakes over and over again and everyone sees it except you, it means you're caught in a pattern thats so comfortable in its discomfort that you might not even know that its happening. Spending some amount of time in silence will help you with this. Silence is like a wedge that drives into your conditioning and creates the space you need to make sane decisions about your life.

4: Always remember, there's always someone out there, even its just one person, who doesn't think you suck at all. Perspective is key.

Being one with your Suck means to accept your humanity and that's a beautiful thing. Focus on your strengths, know and accept your weaknesses and cut out all negative self talk.

So embrace your suck; just like the line between pain and pleasure, with a little attention that in you which sucks could very well turn out to be your greatest strength.

-M






8 comments:

twopair said...

Great post, Martin :)

Gavin said...

wow, I really do suck.

Richard said...

I know I suck! But I feel better about it when I'm surrounded by other togs who claim to be the bees knees and don't realise how much they suck!

Dan said...

Hey Martin - you suck!

But the rest of us suck more. In may case, it is exponential.

Thanks for the great work and supporting blog!

CSLV said...

Hey Martin,

Enjoyed reading the post. Made me reflect as well.
'Sucking' is a part of human psyche. But how you handle it makes does a whole lot of difference.

Being a photographer yourself, Black background could have been an obvious choice to present the photos which are truly amazing I must say. But the same background isn't awfully helpful when it comes to blog posts which are text intensive. Just wanted you consider a lighter but dull color to enhance the readers experience.

regards,
Rohit

MOKKSHA said...

Lovely .... this article caught my attention Martin and I really liked it ... Awesome !!

Shaun
aka Dj MOKKSHA
New Delhi, India.

MOKKSHA said...

Lovely .... this article caught my attention Martin and I really liked it ... Awesome !!

Shaun
aka Dj MOKKSHA
New Delhi, India.

Rocky said...

I recently saw you at the Prince Of wales event, and now I am missing on not having a word with you that day. Awesome photography and a very good sense of life you have, wish I could get a chance to work someone like you! Really liked the point you made at the exhibition, that once you become a photographer you only spend 5% of your time clicking and rest is business.

Great post, great work!